" Things you make such a big deal about at the time become the last thing on your mind when confronted with what happened that night."

My knee had gone out again as a result from my injury the summer before.  My dancing partner picked me up and I hobbled off stage.  I had to pop my knee back into place and I could barely walk,let alone dance.  This was very frustrating for me, since I was a key dancer in the entire play.  Well, you wouldn't guess it, but Shawn, Natalie, and Sage came that night to the performance and I didn't know this yet.  But as soon as I got downstairs to try to figure out what I was going to do with my knee, Shawn was already there, wiaiting for me.  He had torn his knee up pretty bad and was just recovering so he knew just what to do.  He wrapped it up for me, got me to stop crying, and we just got to hang out and talk for awhile and laugh while we tried to figure out what I would do for my next dance scene. He had a way of taking control of a scene and making sure everyone was happy and feeling good.  He did that for me that night.  He then gave me a huge hug and said, "Good luck Babes". (A nick name he gave me because I was the baby of the family and he was the big brother who had to look out for me - I loved it!)  So I got through the play and afterwards I couldn't wait to see  him, Natalie, and Sage.  I finally found them out in the audience, they were just sitting there, smiling and playing with Sage.  I got to hold Sage and gave her a big kiss.  I told them thanks for coming and gave them big hugs and then they left.

​

I went home and Tom (Shawn's friend) called us, I answered the phone and he began to tell me that he thought something was wrong.  He did all the calling and finally called me back and told me that there was an accident and that Shawn and Natalie were involved and there was atleast one fatality.  I had to tell this to my mom and dad.  There wasn't anymore information that he could give us, so we just had to wait.  By this time I was a little shaken up.  But you never think that that could haappen to your family.  I tried to lay down - but that was the scariest part, thinking my mom would come into the room telling me that Shawn was gone.  I just layed there, couldn't even close my eyes, and then I heard my mom's footsteps coming down the hallway.  She opened the door and didn't say anything about Shawn, but that Natalie was in the hospital.

​

We got to the hospital and couldn't see Natalie yet. Still no one would tell us about Shawn.  My mom finally called the police and they said they would send an officer down to the hospital.  That's when we knew we wouldn't be seeing Shawn that night.  They made us wait in an empty, cold, hospital room until the Sheriff got there.  It seemed like forever, we just wanted to get it over with, to see if Shawn was really gone.  We were in a pre-op kind of room, the kind with the sheet seperators attached to the ceiling and stopped about a foot before it touched the ground.  So when someone walked by, all you could see were their shoes and the cuffs of their pants.  You wouldn't believe how many people walked by that night before the Sheriff got there, and it was silent, all you could hear were those footsteps.  He finally got there and made sure we knew Natalie was there at the hospital and that Shawn and the baby Sage didn't make it.  

 

When you first hear those words, they are simply just that, words.  They don't mean that you don't get to see your brother here on earth again, they don't mean that you don't get to dance with your brother at your wedding, they don't mean that you don't get to hear him sing to you anymore, or that you won't get to see him hold his baby and bounce her up and down until she falls asleep.  They don't mean that you won't get to see him be a father and a wonderful husband.  And they certainly don't mean that you won't get anymore notes from him to his "Babes" secretly placed on your mirror for you to find in the morning  just to tell you to have a good day because he loves you.  No, this reality doesn't hit you until much later.  When you are alone thinking about your brother and his family, when you are trying to go to sleep at night thinking of his smile and of his laugh, when you hear a great song on the radio, or a beautifully played son on the piano, or when you and your entire family are together and he is not there.  That is when you realize these things, and you have to figure out a way to deal with it. Hopefully in a way that can uplift those around you, and still make this place we live in a better place, certainly an area of expertise for my brother Shawn Marti.  All those who met him benefited. 

​